4 Proven Strategies to Get Better at Small Talk

/ Steven Hobson / Business English

Today, I’ll guide you through the process of making small talk feel more natural and comfortable. Getting better at it will also strengthen your ability to build genuine rapport, an essential skill for leadership, networking, and meaningful relationships.

There is a misconception about small talk being pointless or a waste of time. But mastering casual dialogue can help you achieve smoother, more authentic conversations and open opportunities for real engagement.

Yet many struggle with ‘chit-chat’ due to the fear of saying the ‘wrong thing’ or sounding silly. The primary reason for small talk ‘failure’ is putting too much pressure on oneself to sound interesting, which can cause nervousness or trying too hard to impress.

The goal: keep the conversation going collaboratively, rather than trying to deliver impressive statements.

So today, I want to share four ideas that will change how you approach small talk interactions, so that you can use small talk as a tool to connect better with people and have more authentic and gratifying conversations. 

Here are the 4 steps we’ll cover:

1. Focus on being interested, not interesting.

2. Pause before you respond.

3. Paraphrase to show you’re listening.

4. Use open-ended questions to deepen the conversation.

Let’s dive into it.

1. Focus on being interested, not interesting.

A simple but powerful strategy for small talk is to focus on being genuinely interested in the other person, rather than trying to make yourself sound fascinating. 

This approach takes the spotlight off you and makes the interaction feel less stressful. When you listen attentively and show curiosity, you’re not only being respectful, but you’re also laying the groundwork for a meaningful exchange. 

When people feel truly listened to, they open up more easily. Showing real interest not only deepens the connection but also builds the kind of trust that’s crucial in business.

2. Pause before you respond.

In a fast-paced conversation, it’s easy to think that speed is a sign of competence. However, rushing to respond can lead to poorly thought-out answers. 

Instead, allow yourself a moment to process what’s been said and craft a thoughtful reply. A brief pause actually shows that you’re engaged and considering the conversation carefully, rather than simply waiting for your turn to speak.

Rushing your answers and speaking quickly is a sign of nervousness, while ‘over-talking’ can be a form of defence for someone who feels vulnerable in small talk situations. 

3. Paraphrase to show you’re listening.

Paraphrasing is restating someone else’s idea in your own words, and is a powerful tool in small talk. 

By repeating back what someone has said, articulated differently, you demonstrate active listening and ensure that you’ve understood their point. This also buys you a bit of time to think about your next response while reinforcing the connection between you and the speaker.

Here are some useful paraphrasing expressions:

“It sounds like…”

“So, in other words, you’re suggesting…?”

“If I understand correctly, you mean…?”

“If I follow you correctly, you believe that…?”

4. Use open-ended questions to deepen the conversation.

When you find yourself at a loss for words, a simple solution is to ask questions. 

Phrases like “Tell me more about that” or “What’s been the highlight of the event for you?” can keep the conversation moving forward. Asking open-ended questions not only buys you time to think of something relevant to say, but it also shows that you value the other person’s perspective.

Additionally, inquire deeper into the topic at hand to show genuine curiosity. Follow-up questions like “What makes that so interesting to you?” or “How did that experience shape your perspective?” enrich the exchange, and it becomes more engaging for both parties.

Conclusion

Mastering small talk takes practice, but the benefits are well worth the effort. 

What’s key is to shift your focus from feeling that you need to impress others to genuinely engaging with them and keeping the conversation going collaboratively.

Small talk is not something unimportant. It is a valuable tool for connecting, bonding, learning, and growing.